A Conversation with Elizabeth
1998
Connection

From:          Larry Mixson mixsonl@compuserve.com
To:            Elizabeth
Date:          Sat, 14 Mar 1998 21:05:32 -0500
Subject:       Connection
 
It is Saturday and I am feeling much better. I actually slept all night for the first time all week and got up around 8:30. I installed some new software on my computer at home and thought I would check my CompuServe mail to see if you had sent any messages and to see if they got forwarded to me. I was quite surprised to find three new messages from you and found I had a bit of "catching" up to do so here I sit and write. I started to respond in CompuServe mail but found it had no spelling checker which can't do without. I had to switch to creating my messages in Microsoft Word, which has a great real time spelling checker, then pasting them into CompuServe mail to reply.
 
No doubt that there is and may be some misunderstandings and misinterpretations from what we write as I would expect as much from this medium of communication. Even with verbal, face-to-face communication there is much misunderstanding and misinterpretations so I would expect more from written communication. I did not mean to trivialize you or you feelings concerning the conversation about the wall and I most likely did not fully get what you were trying to communicate. I do have this concern that something I may write will upset you so that you will longer write back. I hope this will not be the case.
 
The balance between solitude and relationship is a complex one and it is not always easy to find the right balance. I feel comfortable with more solitude and less relationship than Julie who needs the opposite balance. I tried to express respect and understanding of your own choice which I understand to be weighted more on the solitude side. Needs are different and perhaps this might have been one of those differences that caused us to go our separate ways, I needed more relationship and you needed more solitude. It is never this simple as to why you didn't fall in love with me as I did with you. I did recognize at a rational level that you did not feel the same for me as I did you but that did not change how I felt about you. Knowing how you felt helped me to move away for not having my feelings reflected back from you hurt. Thank you for your candor about how you felt for in some way it makes me feel better that you did consider how I felt and had considered your own feelings toward me. Thank you again for sharing it with me.
 
I must have overlooked or missed your questions about my new job. I don't write much software any more but do more management of software development and system integration. My new job is with a "Beltway Bandit" company as they call the many companies around the DC beltway that "rob" employees and contracts from each other. The company is called Performance Engineering, they have a web site, I don't' have it handy so if you can't find it let me know. They were looking for an Image Expert to help them with their contract with the ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms) federal division. Evidently the ATF wants to store their documents on the computer (document imaging) and allow access from their offices throughout the US. With my years of document imaging at my previous job I was exactly what they were looking for. I'm not thrilled about working on a government contract as it often can be a lot of paper work but it is not as bad as working on DOD contracts which there is a lot of in this area. My "current" (no longer) job was with the phone company, Bell Atlantic Video Services (BVS). BVS had great plans to offer state of the art cable TV services across phone lines to their customers. I was hired to research, obtain and install video servers. Well BVS's plans for video have been delayed until after the year 2000 so they have been downsizing and thus why I have had little to do. If you want to hear more let me know for I could go on about what I do for many pages. If you like I could send you a copy of my resume and a several page description about my last several jobs.
 
I do not think you broke any rule implicit between us and I would also like to think of this as an on-going discussion in which we can express anything we so desire. I like your honesty and artifice and would expect no less. I did not mean any response to be "repercussion" in nature but wanted more to let you know more about my relationship with my wife. I am intrigued and fascinated by your envisioning me being single and what might have been or could be. I must confess I also have had such thoughts and over the years have thought about you and have had dreams about you. I have always felt that there was still some connection/bond between us. I new we would someday reconnect. Yes, a Pink Floyd mood it could be. (Dark Side of the Moon?)
 
Apology accepted but no offense taken. Larry

Briefs but not Hanes